Why Do Gay People Often Make Heterosexuality Their Norm?

There are surprising rules to being gay

I thought that any two women and any two men could get together and form a gay couple. But that is not the case. From what I have seen one person plays the role of the man and one plays the role of the woman. When I was at WCCC (the Women’s Community Correctional Center on Oahu) for the possession charge, their were
“butchies” who looked like guys. They referred to themselves as “he”and so did the other inmates and staff. Other names included, “boy,” “uncle,” “son,” “brother.” When inmates were pat searched or strip searched, the butchie guards did the butchie inmates, when staffing permitted the division of labor accordingly. If a femme and a butchie were in a strip search, as searcher or searchee, it was thought of as the opposite sex having a chance to look at what they should not see, hence a disrespectful occurrence. Butchies showered at 8:30 p.m. so the “girls” did not see their bodies. I once went into the bathroom at 8:30 and I “got scoldings.” One of the “girls” rushed in the bathroom to tell me to get out. She confronted me with”

What were you doing in the bathroom? Didn’t you see my uncle in there?”

An outraged inmate correcting me when I entered the bathroom during butchie shower time.

I knew that there was a subculture that I had to respect, but I could not help but see the confusion that was inherent in declaring a person a gender that a person did not embody:

Your Uncle? How could that be your uncle when I just saw her ask the ACO (Adult Correctional Officer/Guard) for a maxi pad?

My exasperated response at the unfair notion that I should know that someone was not a woman just because she was in a woman’s prison

So if a gay couple has one person in the “female” role and one person in the “male” role, and that is considered the only normal way to be gay, then isn’t that the same as saying the only way to have a normal relationship is to use the heterosexual model no matter the gender of the people in the relationship. It seems like a bit of a rejection of the homosexual way of life by the very people engaged in it. Or do I misunderstand what I have seen?