In American culture it is acceptable to write women off as emotional and illogical. Men who would never, ever admit to racism, cheerfully acknowledge they believe women are inferior–maybe not to all men, but for sure, they are more intelligent than the majority of females. Therefore it is not such a bad thing to ignore a woman’s words and there’s nothing wrong with persuading women to change what they say.
No means no is a popular phrase but it’s not specific enough. I have a revision for “No means no.” I propose something like “One statement of “no” means “no until I say otherwise.” Or “It only takes one utterance of no to mean no.” Ok, we can punch up the writing. The point is, men will say no once and that’s the end of the discussion on any subject. But men don’t take women’s words seriously. If a woman says no, to sex, that’s just temporary. He will keep putting his hand over there, or he will continue to attempt to nudge legs apart with his knee, or…or…he will just keep doing what he wants to and if resistance flags, if the volume of protests goes down, he feels encouraged. Weaker refusal is interpreted as yes, or getting there. Men, think about it honestly. Has she ever seemed to object strenuously but then stopped fighting and you thought “oh, I guess she’s ok with this after all.” You’re no rapist! Are you sure? Men can you imagine being weaker than a full half of the world’s population? Imagine one of those much stronger persons has you in a position that makes you question which way to go to keep yourself safe so you give up trying out of fear of being hurt worse. I’ve never been raped but I have been pressured and it INFURIATED me. Consensual never begins with no. What if she is teasing? Err on the side of caution. Do without.
4 responses to ““Rapist” is This a Title You as a Well Meaning Guy Deserve? Maybe…”
This post makes me mad. I got a few opinions on this from a male perspective. It may be wrong but it is mine and I own it. Others please feel free to add opinions so I can see another angle.
Anytime I even think of people getting taken advantage of in general it pisses me off to no end. It’s not difficult at all to control urges. Especially sexual urges. If men believe they are superior then that superiority should be used to protect. Protection can be in more ways than physical. Protection can be speaking out when they see unfair treatment.
The above statement is for chauvinist men of that type. There are other men who have a more modern view of the world. Sure some women need physical protection, being the “weaker” sex, but goodness… have you ever seen Ronda Rousey fight? If I was in a pugilistic situation I’d love Ilima MacFarlane on my side to protect me. If I was in a debate I’d like Elizabeth Warren as a team mate. That lady destroys things. As far as women being perceived as physically weak I like to use Jessica Buettner as an example of to refute that stereo type.
I was raised by women who’s strengths were in different facets. For the most part many of them respected themselves and all of them respected others. It seems to be as we, as a society, are progressing forward we are learning that it is right to respect each other more. The truly equal respect women deserve is still coming down the pipe. We see it breaching the water with Princess Fiona kicking ass and Princess Barbie saving the prince. Feminine self respect needs to be taught at an early age just as masculine respect does. It’s definitely not fully here YET but we are getting there.
My concluding opinion is that it doesn’t come down to respecting women it’s about respecting other people period no matter sex, creed, or gender. Just treat others the way you want to be treated. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We all heard that we just need to start living it.
So true–why designate the need to respect women and not simply people? I think in this case, men sometimes don’t realize that anything that begins with no cannot reasonably be expected to end with yes. I think men believe if she stops fighting it’s ok. And maybe men commit rapes bc they are honestly mistaken. See my next post
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I am not sure “don’t realize” is correct. Rather they choose not to realize. The pursuit is one thing and perhaps it may be ok to be tenacious in that regard. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for going past that line in my eyes. I do not see how a willing participant can be confused with the unwilling or the surrendered.
I honestly can’t see how a rape could be an honest mistake.
This view was a new concept I’m playing with. There are guys who believe if a woman stops resisting she’s giving in. He doesn’t need her enthusiasm. He will accept a reluctant yes, which is problematic, but he still thinks it’s a yes. I’ll have to ponder this more.