Incontrovertible Sex Standards List–The 9 Non’s. Everyone must develop his/her own list like this

No, this sex worker won’t do anything and everything sexual under the sun. In fact, she is probably more clear about her boundaries than women who haven’t had to deal with these issues as often and under such a variety of sexual circumstances. Here’s a list of NON-NEGOTIABLE NO EXCEPTION  sex standards. The “9 non’s” is what I call the list. 

The list has developed and evolved over the years as people made sex requests for things I never thought about.  I had to think carefully about who I was, bc believe it or not, a person does not always know what’s truly ok unless she defines her foundational beliefs in advance. I have been faced with a new situation I never would have thought of in a lifetime. I was like, “I guess so…let’s see how it goes.” Things went along and I’d have to say “stop, that’s not ok. I changed my mind.” And the guy would understandably be mad bc he had done all the securing of permission women advocates said a guy must do, and it was like I was kind of accusing him of doing something not ok. I didn’t want to plant a root of bitterness in a guy which would cause him to give up on getting permission–and just have at it. But more importantly, I wanted to know my own mind.

I say every Man and woman should have this ongoing discussion with self, working boy/girl or not. No one wants regret after the fact.  

You must erect your own sex directional signs

📝 The 9 Non’s, A Sex Standards List

The 9 Non’s for All partners:
1. Adult
2. Homo Sapien or Human
3. Happy
4. Willing/Consenting
5. Conscious
6. Alive
7. Physically non-threatening
8. Not involved with biohazardous waste
9. Flexibly Respectful

Circumstances change but I never do. I can count on myself to be the same Me. And that’s a nice feeling of strength and stability.

I am always the same me. This makes sense if you believe we are made in God’s image and God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (I don’t know that I believe in God as I’ve learned about God but I couldn’t resist making the point!)

I will explain each one of the 9 Non’s in the following 9 posts. Next up, a thorough explanation of what adult means to me.

3 responses to “Incontrovertible Sex Standards List–The 9 Non’s. Everyone must develop his/her own list like this”

  1. The 9 Non’s are spot on! I’ve thought about this a lot, and now that I have given up sex (brahmacarya) wondered where in my history I may have crossed the line. What about “non-pregnant”? I met a couple of pregnant women who really needed the money. Now, I would just give it to them, but back then, they seemed to appreciate the opportunity. “Non-menstruating?” It’s just too damn messy! Absolutely no anal, it is physically harmful.


    • Thank you for teaching me that word and I’m studying concept. I will clarify my standards as things I oppose versus things I am not against but prefer not to indulge in, like making a porn video. Not for me, but fine if someone wants to. Now, kids, that’s a “no way.”


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