Dear Therapist: My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore – The Atlantic. See Link and Comments

Should I just accept that this will be a celibate marriage? Should I leave?
— Read on www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/10/husband-partner-not-interested-in-sex/571681/.

Thoughts from the Expert Escort? I’ve had a chance to meet many more men than most people. What’s more, I meet men that are willing to talk to me about sex. My knowledge is not scientific. What I know comes from what guys tell me. Sure, not random guys, but guys who chose me–nothing scientific about that. Still, I’ve heard from a lot of guys and I learned that men think about sex at a level that many women, I’m guessing, would find astounding. I have been laughed at when I said I use the internet to learn. Most men would never choose a virtual library when they could be watching porn. The way Narcotics Anonymous describes addicted thinking describes the normal male’s thinking about sex: they are doing it, or finding ways and means to do it more.

To the woman whose husband isn’t having sex with her, the operative words are, “with her.” He is putting that sexual energy elsewhere. Best case scenario, he is involved with consenting adult humans and he won’t cop to having an affair. If there’s something else he is ashamed of, well, let’s hope you can accept it bc he is not giving it up.

When I realized the man I loved was mostly gay I surprised myself by adopting “if you can’t beat England, join ’em.” He wanted a man? I’d find one for him? Every now and then another woman? I had candidates. This method backfired bc one of the things he wanted was the thrill of sneaking around. My one and only condition was, let me know, let me join you. I had to accept that I could never fully get what I wanted

Are you able to sacrifice your true beliefs to such an extent that you don’t even recognize yourself? If you can say to yourself, I never thought I would do this, yet here I am–then try to get involved in his world.

The only other way to stay with a man who is not having sex with you bc he prefers someone else, or something else, you’ve got to adopt the mantra of the dysfunctional family that was codified, or adopted into law: don’t ask, don’t tell. You must adhere to that plan if he won’t share his secrets with you. Go get some secrets of your own and you’ll have a workable truth.

I never thought I could tolerate being less than the #1 person in every way for the man I loved. I shocked myself by what I was willing to accept