A Secret: Prison Can Give A Heart’s Desire, Unbeknownst to the World


People want to be loved and values by the people who matter to them. When someone goes to prison of course there is a physical separation. But on an emotional level you will have the best intimacy during incarceration, whether you are waiting inside or out. Shocking but true. Visiting hours, phone time, rare special events, those are lifelines for people experiencing incarceration. There’s no competition during these times. The only focus is the other person. No distractions, no television, no phone. Just the people visiting and their conversation. There is not even the distraction if touching. What’s more, these times are greatly anticipated. At no other time in your life is someone so glad to see you, so focussed on you with a singleness of purpose. You do not have to doubt that at the next possible time you will experience everything quality time is meant to give. It does not matter if you are in or out.

Release puts an end to all that. There are others to see, things to do, and a pressing feeling that lost time can somehow be made up by cramming experiences into tight time periods. No more exclusivity, no more being not just the only person in your person’s life, gone are the days of being the only focus of attention. Here again are the days when the person you love is physically present but mentally elsewhere

Little wonder that I have heard both inmates and their families say prison was the best time for their relationships.


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