A Shocking Text
I have a friend who is still in the street. She does not stay with me probably BC that’s just too much of me. But she hangs out with me when I am downtown. Last week she showed me a text from a guy who she thought was her friend. It turned out that any bit of kindness he showed her was entered into his records. It was clear he had given each kind action a sexual equivalent. Based upon his calculations he had done so much for her she should happily throw herself at him and let him have his way with her while she did his bidding. Of course he was quite vulgar in the wording of his expectations. I am putting an intellectual spin on his foul mouthed diatribe. And what were these acts of kindness? Asking her if she wanted a soda. Checking on her at the homeless camp near Safeway by the Pali Highway. Nothing like giving her a place to stay or taking her to the doctor. Nothing that would make a true difference in the life of a homeless, addicted woman. Nevertheless she had believed she had a friend. So all those times he checked on her by the homeless encampment…All those times he he brought her a can of soda…those were just manipulations in a long term plan? He cared nothing for her? I feel bad now that at the time she shared the text with me I was focussed on what scum I thought he was rather than her hurt feelings. I will try to make that up to her.
Some People Are Ungenerous
There are people who keep a running lists of everything they have ever done for a person. People who think of themselves as generous see no contradiction between their self image and their belief that people owe them for their good natures. I hate that. The people who adopted me were like that, the lady, really. She was always complaining that I was not grateful for food, clothing, doctor visits. My view was that I never asked to go there and that is the deal they signed up for. I had no say in the deal. I would never have consented. I got out of that house the first chance I got. I left with a lifelong aversion to sudden demands of gratitude for what was “freely” given. My friend situation was not unlike the one I had been adopted into. She did not know she had entered into a contract. I know she can be selfish but addicts typically are selfish about dope. I am sure she did not want to share dope. Who does? I concede the point that she might have been a taker, although I have no direct knowledge of this opinion, but owing sex is not something I buy into. Little did she know he had tabulated a sex…ledger. Disappointing but not surprising. He did what a lot of guys have done in my experience. Not only do they equate certain sex acts with, say, beverage offers, they laughingly try to make us jealous. They mention all the women who would happily do what they want. Please go find those women eager to disrobe and throw themselves, legs akimbo, at your feet. Save us the hassle!
Anyone who works at a job would be quite annoyed if a so-called friend tabulated favors and came up with the number of free hours we owe giving them the benefit of our professional expertise. Working girls hate to hear they have sex debts and they would just as soon the guys go elsewhere. Keep in mind he is not offering her anything but the chance to enter into sexual slavery until he is satisfied he has been compensated. It would be different if the guy had been upfront and approached with money and asked if she would. Hey, people on the street know how money is earned. But to feign friendship in order to turn affection into guilt and then demand sex, that he won’t pay for BC of her sex debt…that is just sneaky. Pervy. And far too common.. Maybe men and women cannot be friends. Maybe when a man is friends with a woman he thinks he is the one taking a loss. Is it possible that a man feels insulted when a woman calls him a friend? Maybe. I will ask around. I do know that people who fake affection and later reveal their true motives come off as traitors. We try not to have feelings, and we certainly do not want any feelings that we cannot quash to be hurt, but for people who strive for indifference, we women on the street are especially sensitive to rejection.