I Have Never Fit In
I never knew how to make friends and I never knew what I did not know. I am sure there is something off-putting about the way I do not get what is expected. The anonymous me, the person known only for her posts is routinely scolded for posts people disliked. I get sanctioned by sites for the first offense. What was offensive. I could not tell. Therefore I could not fix it. Next thing you know I am banned. That’s online rejection. I have experienced ghosting , which is cell phone rejection. Again, I never anticipated the rejection nor did I know the reasons why. These impersonal rejections are so much more personal than the rejection of my classmates since kindergarten. When people see you, and know things about you can explain away their rejection, or worse, the failure to notice me at all. Racism, sexism, classism, not being Jewish–none of that was my fault. I take comfort in being blameless BC there’s only a little comfort in isolation. (The one good thing is your n I longer waiting to be cast out and you’re no longer perpetuating the belief.) Technology removes the image and strips the person down to their ideas. Don’t you feel your thoughts are more who you are than your human form? The real me just lives in this body. To be rejected for your honest self, that’s a new kind of hurt I am not prepared to handle.
Avoiding Black and White Thinking
It is tempting to talk about everyone and no one, but we can never accurately make statements using those words, nice as it would be to simplify complex issues by labelling “all” people. Of course everyone does nit dislike my honesty. Not only do my readers appreciate me l(ike you who is blessing me with your time), but I don’t wish to take back anything I posted. My intentions were always what I wanted them to be and therefore at the heart of it, I accept myself no matter what technologically available people think. I never accepted myself when I was a pariah in person. In having a difficult time tying this post up with a conclusion.
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