An Adoptee Comforts an Adoptive Mom with Painful Truths

If a person deals with the subject if adduction, this person (me, Caroleena!) necessarily covers abandonment, loss, abuse, and ironically, getting everything you want with no consequences. Adoptions do not always work out and the people caught up in an unsuccessful adoption often turn to drugs. It is no surprise to find adoptees overrepresented among addicts. There is a lot of pain For people who had to pick adoption BC they could not have the biological child they wanted as a first choice. Adoption was the consolation prize. But it was not always consoling. What about adoptees who were the kids people settled for when their dreams of giving birth to children died? Those harsh truths are often thought of us too mean to articulate. Silence does not ease gut wrenching reality. We can tell the truth and guess what? The truth hurts but the truth does not have to destroy us. Knowing the truth us one plot on an ever changing map. Here are my words to an adoptive mom who is devastated that living her adoptive son did not erase the yearnings for info about the birth family. Searching for a birth mom is nit a rejection of. Read this article written by a woman who was truly rejected by the people who adopted her. I hope this rejected, addicted, yet reborn (happily!) woman can somehow use words your heart hears.

"Harvard" Hooker in Honolulu

Hi I am Caroleena and I am both an adoptee and a birth mother. There’s a lot to be said about both of those positions, but I want to focus on your heartbreak, because I understand where you are coming from and I hope I can provide a perspective that will ease how you feel. I can speak for myself but I imagine your son feels the same way. There was no way to deny that the birth mother really is the birth mother. I noticed you felt hurt that your son’s birth mother referred to herself as his mother. She is his mother–she is just not the only mother he has. When I was growing up a transition was being made from calling birth mothers “real” or “natural” mothers because that would made the adoptive mothers “fake” or “unnatural” mothers. People were just coming to understand that there are…

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