“How do you feel” is a question that enrages sex workers

I have talked to a lot of women in Honolulu

I don’t ask specific questions. I simply mention that I have a blog where I want to feature the experiences and humanity of addicted women on the streets of Honolulu. They are not all sex workers. They are not exclusively sex workers. Most women have a patchwork method of supporting themselves and sex work is just one part. So when I ask about their experiences they do not always talk about trading favors with men.

When they do find themselves trading favors there is one thing they steadfastly refuse to do:

The women I have spoken to reported that they refused to show emotion.

I get paid to do something. I do not get paid to act as though I like it.

According to one veteran of downtown Honolulu’s streets

I hate when they ask me what I like. If they want to please me, just give me the money and leave me alone!

A part time sex worker, expressing skepticism about men who claim to be interested in her.

These women articulate a complex, and seemingly contradictory set of emotions they feel towards the men they need to survive. Certainly the women take pride in getting dates, having regulars. Some of the guys they come to know and like. But it appears almost unanimous that the women hated doing the actual work. One could say that biologically, in terms of evolution, one night stands do not contribute to women’s reproductive success bc women need the support of committed relationships to succeed in raising children. Therefore women are hard wired to dislike meaningless sex. Men, many of them, can enjoy meaningless sex, while having a full-time relationship. Women in the sex industry are trying to act like men in a way. But they cannot really pull off sex without emotion. The women can do it, but they hate it. And by extension sometimes hate the very men they need. That’s why, I believe, they can steal from their dates (talking about those women who do.).

I have yet to find a woman who enjoys the work. Now that I think about it, I have never asked the transgender women. Men always speculate that they would enjoy being sex workers. I will go to the closest people to make sex workers to see if they enjoy their work. The women do not. Surprising or not?