I just got word my ex is dying in hospice

Modern grief —Compulsive Internet Searches After the Death of a Loved One

I can’t believe it. That’s the normal reaction to news of impending or actual death. No–that’s what we think. No. But the truth is–“yes.” I met my ex at a Narcotics Anonymous in the previous century. He had ten years clean. I had two hours. When old timers swoop in to prey on the newly (or not-very) sober the practice is colloquially known as the thirteenth step. He was a well known thirteenth stepper. A lot of the guys in the meetings are that way Bc it’s not the semiprofessional setting it looks like to newcomers but a gathering of people with deep issues. Still, for all that, I loved him, even married him, briefly, lost a couple of children to adoption with him (even though he was 48 way back then). That sort of loss does break up a relationship but we never entirely broke up. I spent my whole adult life with him at least on the edges. The age difference made this sort of ending predictable since he is old enough to be my father and I am younger than his oldest child. It was this child, his son, who texted me bc he felt I “deserved to know” he was going to hospice with about two weeks left. I think the statement that I deserve to know indicates that there were people, probably his two daughters were close to my age, who felt that I did not deserve to know what was happening to my ex and that is why I did not hear from them. I was always comfortable with him because I never had to pretend to be anyone else and he was always my friend for my entire adult life and now he will be gone. So I have included an article that I wrote some time ago about grief that you will find the link to above. I will Marshall up my courage to see if I can do a video call between Hawaii and Oregon. I am told by the nurses that he does not want anyone to wake him for calls And to be honest part of me is glad because it lets me off the hook. I am a typical American and that I don’t deal well with death. I will attempt to get in touch with the adoptive mother of our children to let her know the situation and give the two now adult young children a chance to talk to the father that they once knew. They don’t want to speak to either of us, but maybe they will change their mind because they don’t do it now they will never have a chance to do it ever. Somehow I’m reminded that every year we passed the date of our death without knowing it. That’s the kind of random thought you get it times like this. I’ll keep you informed always addiction touches every part of your life and then at the end, your death.

I have used every one of the following categories and you can find all 2000+ posts about the intimate experience of Hawaii’s streets right here. That’s so cool–just click a link that catches your eye but be warned, this is a complete unedited list snd you will find typos


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