Why is he the violent, out of control criminal, yet she ends up with the label? What’s the name of the mental illness that afflicts him? Nothing popularly known. He hits her. We ask, “what’s her problem?^ We say, she should leave instead of demanding that he hit the road. We recommend she huddle in a shelter, uprooted, and anonymous. Why don’t we tell him to hide his identity to avoid the shame? Shouldn’t we want to know who we need to protect? All of our “progress* with domestic violence is backwards. And we don’t know it.