Time flies! Five+ years have gone by since I started this blog. At first my writing was a grief reaction. I had been in love with a man who, unfortunately, was mostly gay. But not entirely. Sometimes he really wanted me, when he wasn’t being totally cruel and rejecting. Yes, I was confused, because social interactions have always puzzled me. Why didn’t people like me? My friend thought he could change me for the better. I was game. He wanted to teach me what I was doing wrong by giving me rules that I could generalize to any situation. For example, if I ask a question, give people a chance to answer. Or, if I ask a question three times and the person avoids answering me, don’t drill down on them. Stop asking, because the question has become an interrogation.. How about this one: don’t take people literally when they say “stay as long as you want.” If they have changed into their pajamas they want me to leave. You may laugh, but I honestly had no clue what I was doing wrong with people. I had an additional challenge: when I spoke I sounded rather intelligent and people didn’t believe I had no idea I was being rude. I once read that people with a high functioning form of autism called Asperger’s write down social rules. .Maybe I’m autistic, I mused. I was going to explore this issue with my friend.
I woke up one Sunday morning to see that his phone was still in the bed with me. He hadn’t left me in the night! I was purely happy at the thought of spending time with him when things were good between us. Then I found him sitting on the floor in my kitchen with his back against the wall. That’s how he died.
I didn’t want to lose all his words of wisdom. Not to mention the countless lessons I learned as a Harvard grad who sought to cope with her issues and orphanhood through substances and who did not believe there was a disease of addiction, only weakness. I felt invulnerable to the effects of drug use because if anyone was strong, it was me. . I was addicted before problems manifested themselves. By the time I faced serious consequences, I had lost the ability to quit and never think about using again. My mind was consumed. Long story short, I went from ivy league elite to life on Honolulu’s streets. I had a treasure trove of stories. Of course I should write a cohesive book, laying out the tale of where I came from, what happened, and where I am now. For starters, I decided the perfect outlet for my wandering mind would be a blog where I could post vignettes in no particular order, so I could express whatever I wanted when the spirit moved me. I started writing at the end of 2017 and here we are in 2022. I could write forever. Below, in chronological order, are links to the couple thousand posts I have done as of October 30, 2022.
Hawaii Street Life, Chronologically Indexed by Year
Thanks for spending your time reading my words. I am honored and my gratitude is everlasting.